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Samuel Johnson
Lives of the English Poets
- from MadMax <mjr203@is5.nyu.edu >:
To paraphrase Douglas Adams -- EGR is a definitive text; reality is innaccurate.
- Great writing is between the lines. Yours is. Telling all my friends about EGR.
- I just subscribed. I figured it was the only way I would ever be able to unsubscribe.
- Kisses, Chickie Baby. Do you write this stuff or is it spewed out by a random word generator?
- A terrific breath of hot air without the distasteful stale fart smell.
- Please take me off this mailing list immediately.
- If you don't put me on the list I'll kill you.
- I don't understand your page. What are entropy gradient reversals? Is your page supposed to be funny because it's not. [No, it's supposed to be funny because it is -- but perhaps we don't fully understand your question... -ed.]
- This has got to be the craziest thing on the net!!! I like it!!
- This will hasten my collapse.
- Some years ago I came across a beautiful caligraphic bit of graffiti on the white space of a NYC subway poster. It read "support intelligent, eclectic poster defacement." And underneath it was scrawled in a different hand: "What is electric poster defacement?" I think what you're up to is intelligent, eclectic (or maybe even electric) web defacement.
- I checked the "exempt from Spam" box, and have forwarded your note to the people most likely to find your letter objectionable.
- What if the protein that works in the brains of "mad cows" did nothing else than cause an abrupt increase of lucidity? The behaviour of the cows would be fully explained. That would also explain why Authorities are so concerned about the risk of such a syndrome in human brains.
- ...congratulations for the message you are sending around...
- Entropy Gradient Reversals is a total kick. Whatever you do, don't worry about being polite! There's plenty of careful, "objective" analysis around -- we need more pure unadulterated idiosyncratic informed opinion. Go for it.
- As what's-her-name said, we aren't much more than monkeys with car keys. And you, sir, are a fine monkey at making it all seem very funny.
- I am a pedant now (as a university professor) so typos are all I read for...
- I tried the chicken protocol and couldnt get it to work. Perhaps I am swinging the chicken the wrong way...
- Continue to enjoy EGR very much; will be sending my $1000 check soon. I wish the editor of EGR would "interview" someone at Wired Magazine. I mean, like man, get hip to those who really live in the noosphere. Time you deal with the vanguard of bullshit.
- I thought I was off the wall but I'm just a fly speck, caught hanging here stuck on fly paper, compared to the terrific read I just had.
- The EGR crowd is probably a little more deeply convoluted than other readerships. At least I hope so.
- Cool. Keep it up. your cynicism is much valued. What are you doing at IBM ???!!! :-)
- My one concern is that if I have any conscience at all, I must come to loathe myself for being a part of this Internet as livelihood thing.
- I am interested in a career with Entropy Gradient Reversals
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Please remove me from the distribution of your newsletter. I assumed that I was enrolling in a newsletter dealing with the use of the Internet for ethical business uses... I see that I was wrong. [Curiously, the writer has since re-subscribed. -ed.]
- I die laughing... Expect to hear from my heirs. You are to be sued by my estate for wrongful death.
- The first non-issue was all I paid for and more, my compliments to the chef. Fear and loathing on the Internet.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- You've obviously lost your mind. That being said, I'm very pleased to be a solid brick in the foundation of your wonderful pyramid scheme.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- This is really good stuff. I didn't even want to have to read this one because it's long (since I try to give a fixed amount of time to doing email, as the number of messages goes up, my attention span is further reduced) and because it's about Mr. Ed for god's sake, but it was a real page turner...
- Beverly Hills doesn't overlook the ocean. Maybe he lives in Santa Monica or Topanga...
- UNSUBSCRIBE
[oh shit, we lost all this mail! send more. if you're ever thinking about buying a Syquest SyJet drive, don't. -ed.]
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- I thought your interview with the astrologer was exquisite.
- this one had me laughing out loud. of course, some people might think it's subversive...
- We intend to include EGR in our May '96 Top 100 Magazines List. [thanks Gregory! -ed.]
- Brilliantly funny.
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- This is really funny -- possibly even too close to the truth to be funny, exactly.... it breaks my heart to read your stuff.
- It's fucking brilliant -- your best yet! I laughed 'til the tears were pouring....
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- I have found that whenever I am in my favorite coffee dungeon, the mere mention of EGR brings a swarm of squealing chicks... You are our hero and inspiration.... Thanks for EGR. It is by far my favorite subscription.
- ...this is just awesome. Are you sure you're only distributing to 198 subscribers???
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Parody is my favorite form of humor and it is rarely done with panache. IMHO you're right in there.... Your writing style can't be easy unless you're really dissociated. Ever speak with an actual schizo? It's more unsettling than your newsletter by a long shot. Would it help if I subscribed twice?
- A stunning achievement, you two.
- ...just a few days ago I was arguing that EGR was worth reading... My opponent was, of course, familiar with your work but hesitant to give it the Future Longevity Zine Award so highly coveted by the brash young in-your-face net.overlords and net.budding.capitalists... <sigh> such is life.
- ...watching a tortured soul talk with himself is too intense.
- Your last EGR issue was too goddamned close to home. Wow.
- That's it...you've done it!! I swear to God you sound like a former boss of mine at Xerox.
- Suffice it to say the rapier found THE BONE. This stuff is too precious to be languishing in obscurity on the internet...
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Read and enjoyed your hilarious "10 rules for Internet Success." You have me as a new subscriber.
- This was the best one yet. You mean the Web is the biggest hype since the Moon Landing... that truth is a commidity sold to the highest bidder and that business necessity is really a cover for the personal ambitions of various corporate VPs and marketing managers? Oh, no say it ain't so... In the words of Big Joe Turner "the thrill is gone, the hustle's on..."
- Enjoying your newsletter - it is certainly the best thing going. I have already applied the wisdom you have so generously shared and and as a result, I have succeeded in not losing money on the internet.
- This stupid box is too small - only the Christopher Lockes in the world know how to make it larger...
- Our corporation in less than a decade has gone from a thoughtful though turgid publishing company with a strong intellectual investment to the venal selling the shoddy to the clueless.
- you are dangerous.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- this is the best missive yet: i couldn't agree with you more. thank god the TV isn't plugged in yet.
- Gotta hand it to you, it's getting better and better. There is a strong corollary between what's going on in Atlanta and what's going on in the Net...
- I have to hand it to ya - this one is a doozy - have been laughing out loud - most unusual for me.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- I enjoyed the Quarterly Report immensely, needless to say.
- ...this was a great issue of EGR. You only made one mistake: Your media conglomerate of Gates, Reno, Murdoch and Mallone can't be right because none of them are Jews, thus disqualifying this as a serious media conspiracy theory. [The writer is a Jewish conspirator. -ed.]
- My favorite moments from this issue of EGR:
[1] "We will get stock quotes from our refrigerators, work assignments from our toaster ovens."
[2] Learning the word "decorticated."
- Inadvertently, perhaps, you have cleared up at least one nagging irritation in my life -- the "Windows protection error #ct.fu.&%0000.3001dcv system reg file decorticated. Press any key..."
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- we need to clone you. friday night is never boring with the rager on line!!!
- I printed this honey out a week or so ago and just finsished reading it. Seriously funny stuff, Rage Boy, and of course much too close to the bone.... This screed should, however, appear in Ad Age or somesuch.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- love the lew thing!!!
- Pretty funky stuff. Revolutionary.
- Great interview with Lew... I'm glad you're leaving 666, since you were obviously going off your rockers...
- ...the scary thing is, I believed that's what he'd say.
- I have looked forward to each issue to break up the hum of my workplace. "Somebody has to do it!" You're perfect for the job.
- I anticipate my 666 stock value booming, followed by a depression of unprecedented scale descending on what has briefly been a booming Rocky Mountain Internet Community. I wish you, your Exhaust Gas Restitution corporation, and the area formerly known as Colorado all the best.
- I can never tell when you're joking. Are you really going out west? Sure as shit hope you're not going to give up EGR.
- Leaving? But where will you get material for EGR? Your new employer sounds too good to make good material!
- If you talk to Lew again, please pass along my compliments for the great job 666 did on Plodigy...
- I thought that was you with the soapy rag at the Mobil Car Wash! Wait till Lou hears this; he's gonna want to really enforce that non-compete you signed.
- I was always surprised by your move to IBM, but I gather that, in this industry, IBM is one of those places it's good to be FROM...
- Excellent issue. You really don't give a shit do you? I'm impressed beyond belief.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- I suppose if you're actually telling the truth...given the frequency of the publication...you have the hardest-core non readership of any publication in the industry.
- It is to laugh. Thank you. People are gettin stupider. It's like Ripley says in Aliens "Did IQ's drop sharply while I was away?"
- Perhaps you would take some much-needed comfort in knowing that your stupid "magazine" maintains the only spam list in the whole narrow world of the Internet that I don't refuse to be on.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- You're gonna burn in Hell you sick fucking genius!
- Yes, folks, he's back - he's out West, and he's still got his edge. :-)
- Quite a ramrod essay today - i like it!
- Saw your report on Bob Enyart. Just goes to show that drugs really do distort reality. want to know more about the second law of thermodynamics and Bob Enyart? Visit my page. If you hate Bob, you'll hate me too!
Melanie Schurr[after some while spent thoroughly scouring this confusing site we did find an interview with Mr. Enyart. But as it now seems to have disappeared altogether, you'll just have to trust us on this one: his comments ran to all of 256 words, none of which had anything to do with thermodynamics. On the other hand, maybe we just weren't stoned enough to get it. btw, Enyart's new site now links to this issue of EGR. Go see for yourself.] -ed.]
CONSERVATIVE CORNER
http://www.angelfire.com/ms/conservativecorner/index.html
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- let me get this future product idea straight, cause i can hear you hinting at it. in your right eyeglass frame is a little flip-down lens that is hooked up to one of these displaytech units that's, well, your display. there's a cable down to your pants pocket where you keep your pocket computer. that cable also attaches to your left eyeglass frame, where there's a camera that feeds images into your pocket computer. the net result: when someone waves at you in a crowd, the pattern recognition software (now much elaborated on from the original pattern recognition that was done at Avalanche for auto-producing SGML, but the same basic ideas) parse the scene and figure out the essential components of it. the pocket computer radios out to the home office in Ft. Meade and dumps out the simple description; the home office mainframe crunches for a while; and then it spits back the vitals on the person in question. which get displayed on your eyeglass screen. et voila, you have been assimilated! just got done reading 0.17, nice work, as usual.
- Do you ever feel you're going to wake up some morning and find a dead horse head in your bed? You got IBM, Microsoft, and who else pushed in a corner dancing naked with old 5 1/4" diskettes spinning on their heads singing golden oldies. It is my dream to increase that readership to 350,000 so people can have some truth jammed down their throats. C|net and all those others keep telling us it's all working fine folks, just stay tuned, looking for your ActiveX application any minute now. We'll fuck up your lives ever more, destroying your spreadsheets, creating doubt and fear and panic in your cyberlives. If they want truth, give them EGR.
- Outfuckingstanding.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- I liked the "waving" issue. You always put a smile on my face and some attitude in my step.... Nice to know you're getting some well-deserved attention.
- Maybe it's time for God's legal staff to swoop down on Gateway.
- Gosh, and I thought Gateway just had some real ugly Dalmations...
- From: The Easy Rider <kozinski@mizar.usc.edu>
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them and the government takes all the milk.
GATEWAY 2000: You have two cows but you have to kill them because they look like two cows owned by a mammoth computer company. In exchange you get to keep a letter from a nasty lawyer.
- I called Gateway's 800 number and managed to get connected to their Legal Dept. where I was permitted to leave a voice mail request that someone return my call "regarding cow spots." I'm just dying to ask whether they've sent similar letters to gift shop owners all across the nation who sell Holstein-marked butter dishes, salt and pepper shakers, etc. It's the next best thing in home decor since white geese wearing blue ribbons around their necks -- for the Martha-Stewart-impaired anyway.
- I have one question about the letter sent to TUCOWS by Gateway. MacDonalds now has a decoration on their large drink cups that looks remarkably like cow spots. Might people in their infinite wisdom confuse Gateway Computers with the ground "beef?" found in the food at this great American institution?
/; ;\ __ \\____// /{_\_/ `'\____ \___ (o) (o } _____________________________/ :--' ,-,'`@@@@@@@@ @@@@@@ \_ `__\ ;:( @@@@@@@@@ @@@ \___(o'o) :: ) @@@@ @@@@@@ ,'@@( `====' :: : @@@@@: @@@@ `@@@: :: \ @@@@@: @@@@@@@) ( '@@@' ;; /\ /`, @@@@@@@@@\ :@@@@@) ::/ ) {_----------------: :~`,~~; ;;'`; : ) : / `; ; ;;;; : : ; : ; ; : `'`' / : : : : : : )_ \__; ";" :_ ; \_\ `,',' :__\ \ * `,'* \ \ : \ * 8`;'* *
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Keep pumpin' it out you animal.
- you've outdone yourself on this one. gorgeous and meano! somebody owes somebody an Apology, but i don't think it's you. my prediction: you'll be hitting 2,000,000 subscribers by 2000000 C.E., if not before. the final graphic (bummer) is priceless. i'm so glad you're enjoying yourself. it makes life easier for all of us.
- Finally, thank god [The writer is expressing his relief upon receiving our confirmation of his unsubscribe request -- some six hours after he initially submitted it. -ed.]
- Oh the horror of it all!!!! I haven't come across such guff since I visited flower children in San Francisco in the 60's. How old are you and why don't you grow up? [hey like fuck you man. -ed.]
- Seems my old lady waz involved in the USUAL Corporate-political quagmire (Yet Again). After listening to her rant & rave for close to an hour, I decided to let fly some of my own G.B.M principles that I've practiced for years. That is before the actual bonafide, approved list became public. I told her the bitch she was fighting with could be stopped in a nanosecond. I directed her to let the jabs & punches begin, then tell the bitch ' Hey Fuck You- have you actually read the report?? (She knew that 'yes' was the answer anyways, yet she never actually read the damn thing) then countered with a quick 'what the Fuck Marge, are all of your resouces the same (A group of 50 employees that Marge manages - just data entry, etc.) Well, I guess after the later remark, her neck, face and hair turned red, along w/a few V.P.'s also (Right ON!!) then the Old Lady just got up, farted rather loudly in her direction & walked out of the meeting.
Personally, I've practiced some of the same G.B.M principles, although Corporate America can eat the peanuts outta my shit before I'd work for 'em. I find it enlightening that more people have read Dr. Thompson's work and adhere to the fine example he's set for those who will never possess, even in the most remote sense, the ability to 'Think Outside the Box'. I'm just Fuckin' A glad I can, and thankful the Old Lady still believes in those principles. [corporate affiliation withheld, though supplying it would only take three extra bytes. -ed.]
- *LOL* over your over-baked, oven-fried attitude. If you were more than half serious, we neurotics are in worse shape than I thought.
- ...one of the all time best. Must explain how you "survived" at IBM. Which one got you fired?!? [contrary to popular belief, none of them. As anyone can tell you, we left "to pursue other opportunities." -ed.]
- Those who are "crawly bumlickers" seem to assume that nobody notices. I like to point them out. Try hanging one of those paper dust masks outside their office. Make sure you rub the nose portion of it with a brown crayon first.
In a meeting, I enjoy rolling a tube of lipstick accross the table to said "butt kisser." I exclaim, "You dropped this after your meeting with the big boss!" I prefer to make it "Broadway Brown," which seems to be the prefered color of these "fecal felatists."
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Hey! I still want to subscribe.... Thanks for the special invite.
- I voted for you. Not only do I not know any of the judges, I wouldn't be caught in a bimbo with them. You might find this all comes back to haunt you. You might win. You might have to meet them. Slate will write about you. Suck will... well, you know Suck. That really is some good hand isn't it? Boy, I don't know if the awards show will be able to live up to that. Thanks for the special issue. It made not watching the superbowl worthwhile.
- Will success spoil Chris Locke?!? Nahhh.
- Mazal Tov as they say in my neck of the woods. By curious coincidence, The California Department of Motor Vehicles wants to issue me a NEW drivers license with a MAGENTIC STRIPE (but without a url). For that I need to show up BEFORE my birthday, which happens to be March 3. Well, therefore I could very possibly make myself available to be one of your 4 staff members attending in California!!!! I have been practising being rude and arrogant this week and it has been very enjoyable. Please please can I go?!!??
- Look I voted for you... so where's my money. I need some heavy cash to get my Let's Pants Bill Gates campaign off the ground. Those ads during the superbowl maxed out my credit cards.
- A vote has been cast on behalf of EGR. it was a heart warming moment to see EGR on the same page as Persian Kitty. "Pills, Powders, PR, Publicity, Pussy - it all sells on the Net in 97." A tear in my eye as I pictured you weeping, clutching your Webby in front of a crowd of dozens. "I'd like to thank all the li'l people..." Hey, this Internet thing, it's going somewhere...quick.
- In keeping with your intention of generating as many unsubscribe responses as possible, your suggestions to generate votes for this dubious award and just to be malicious:
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe unsubscribe subscribe
[edited down from the original 39 lines]You can count em and make some meaningfuless statistics about your churn rate. <G> I sent my wife out to get a dead chicken but she came back with a Colonel Sanders value meal. Will that work?
- I think one should definitively spam and bomb sites and their 'info-persons' promoting or responsible for contests/drawings which discriminate non-US citizen. I think they didn't quite grasp the idea of an INTERnet or especially a World Wide (sic!) Whatever if they still confuse EVERYONE with 'continental resident US citizen' (maybe one reason for the mentioned identity trouble). Aside from this more ethical consideration, I'm just pissed not to get *ALL* of this FREE! BS and chances just like *EVERYONE* else. So please understand that I can't support EGR under this terms (but I made proselytes instead by fwd'ing Gonzo to one of my more confused [him treckie; BTW who told me this thing about Klingon warhips...] collegues: He subscribed on the spot.
- From our Backbeat form:
Name: steve lappin
Email: modo@spewww.com
Auto-Reply: on
comments : hey, we got nominated for one of those shitty awards too! what do you get for the honor? the chance to pay for your own trip! you guys rock! going to the awards? lets party!
quote : yes
- i voted for you and told a bunch of people to check your site out. it is the best thing i have read in a long time.
- I don't know any of these people, but at your command I am ready to have meaningless sex with any of them if it will help your conquest of the Web. -A Loyal Reader
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Personally, I think Foreigner and Burger King deserve each other.
- ...loved the BK rant. Sent to about a 1/2 dozen like-minded friends. Keep up the good work.
- Hey Ray - Thanks for the thought, but this is a little too dada for me! I just send on the tamest jokes my internet professor neighbor has purged for me. [We seem to have gotten this reply by mistake from an AOLer to whom one of you passed along the issue. We swear to god this is real email! -ed.]
- This is the piece that put me on the floor: "Our own contribution to the furtherance of responsible Copyright Protection consisted in feeding the entire collected corpora of Project Gutenberg through the Burger King form, thus ending Literature As We Know It."
- Here is some irrelevance for you: The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band (Urban Spaceman amongst other titles) was originally called the Bonzo Dog Dada Band, but they got tired of explaining Dada -- and I guess Doo-Doo was too graphic.
- Wonderful, as always.
- Never give up. What you're doing is great and necessary.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- You might like to know that EGR is now in the Acronym Server (http://www.ucc.ie/acronyms)
[we are honored. seriously. -ed.]
- Keep it up and you may actually see a dime off this venture one day...
- Please accept my testimonial as to the value of your esteemed periodical. It has changed my life forever. I am now healthy, wealthy, and too stoned to care. Based on your recommendation, I have sold my condo and will be moving to Idaho as soon as I can find an airline that offers internet access. When I reach there, I hope to earn a lucrative income setting up a chain of Rage Boy internet felafel stands. What commission plans do you have?
- I like having EGR mailed directly to my doorstep. It reminds me of those by-gone days when milkmen brought milk to the house, instead of me having to schlep down to the local "convenience" store to get it. If I can't get the information revolution delivered to me the way I want it, then it's not much good for anything. Please leave two quarts of EGR and a half-pint of Suck.
- You're not the only one who gets awards you know. We recently received the "1997 FAME Award." As far as I can tell, this comes from an Australian fashion magazine. Apparently we must have received the award as the only Canadian based financial services product to feel it would be worthwhile to have a listing amid the underwear Down Under (ouch!).
Keep raging.
- I don't understand. What's a website? Does this have anything to do with the "piss" revolution that my friends are telling me about? I'm supposed to read some magazine about it: Weird magazine, or some name like that. Sounds like a good idea to me 'cause it means that stuff comes to me 'n I donna have to spend any of my very precious intellectual energy to go find it. But it certainly has a strange name. "piss": Must be one of those hackers jokes.
- [in response to private email... -ed.]
I thought you were writing it in Swahili, in which language -- believe it or not -- "wake the fuck up" means subscribe now and win a date with Bill Gate's barber.Switch to the German "Fucken Zie Off." It works for me everytime.
- UNSUBSCRIBE [this one was the all-time unsub leader! -ed.]
- Subject: A Giant of an issue
The subject line says it all...you'll have to do a lot worse than this to get me to unsubscribe.
Now I know what Prime Minister Trudeau meant when he shouted "Merde!" in the House of Commons. Must have been his Jesuitical training, I suppose.
I really eat this stuff up, Chris, or -- as my friends in La Belle Province often say -- mange la merde.
Keep this up and I'm pretty sure your subscriber reduction plan will work out fine.
- Like hell I'm unsubscribing.
- Outstanding! Your best effort yet. Laughed my ASCII off!
- I laughed, I cried, I loved it. Jeezuz, Chris, you've got a wicked wit there...
- >Culture You Can Use...
Love it.
- Uncle! Your hyper-semantic prestidigitation (and other hand waving) has gotten the best of me!
And it was funny....
And, NO! I'm not going to unsubscribe!
And, NO! I am not sorry I asked for more interviews (though I can hardly wait to see what comes next).
- Hotwired kept my attention for about a month, finally decided it's cute, information content is close to nil, the New York Daily News, for Christ's sake! So far, EGR is lots better than EKG, maybe even MRI, which used to be NMR until they decided they couldn't market it...
- Dear Rageboy,
Yes! EGR is worth every penny!
I will be sending my $739.23 by UPS 'Slow Boat' Service. To expedite payment in our current reverse cash flow scenario, I will be substituting Authentic Alaskan Steelhead Fishheads, using their current market price of $0.12/pound. Be sure to clear your front yard of cats and other critters at least 1 day before my payment arrives.
- from Powell <pwell@net.big-river.sk.ca> via Backbeat:
Since subscribing I've only recieved the Andre DeMerde interview. Brilliant, wanted to send it to my ex-wife who is a former Mini-fem Art Student obsessed with closure; but decided that it would be altogether too near her knuckles and would do little to reverse the entropy gradient which has thankfully emerged between us. Great stuff. Send more of everything....
- Dear Mr Clocke,
Are you some kind of intellecshual or something?
Can I see your resume? [sure - here you go -ed.]
What the heck is bricolage anyway?
Yours truly,
St Grace Under Pressure
- Maybe it's not necessary to kick dead bodies again and again and so just another Lacancan/Derridada-bashing but: SIMPLY THE BEST. I laughed tears.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- You crazy %&@%^!. That was great.
- I have Seidman, I have the ZDnet stuff, I have more sources of meaty info that I just don't get around to reading. Instead, I read your... stuff. And other people in the office hear me giving out the chuckle signal, i.e. around here it's ok to spend one's time with items that just amuse and entertain, because the boss does it.
Have you considered EGR's impact on productivity in the workplace? Delta P = 1000 x OPPE(e) x (marginal salary + overhead + opportunity cost) where OPP(e) = Otherwise Productive People circumscribed by an ellipsoid with average radius of length=earshot...
I'm gonna report you to Greenspan.
- I bow to the master. (Kathy Biehl of Cafe Compendium)
- it is good to see you can write a straight line with the computer. you had me worried there. it might be dumb to read all the stuff in your newsletter. then again it might be dumber to write all that shit. one never knows does one? [one does not. -ed.]
- Moft honorable and moft learned Dr. Locke of all orders, I am going to undertake a province allotted to me... Vaft and fumptuous libraries are erected (please filence) in academies; in which the obfervations of the learned, like fo many legacies, and donations are preferved; that they who diligently give themfelves up to ftudy, may become endued with learning (is that right Ragegirl?), polifhed, and confimed by experience. Thefe libraries are the suppofitories (I beg your pardon) oh repofitories of wifdom, and their ftores are laid (SHUT UP RAGEBOY!!!) open to every ingenious candidate. In my opinion therefore, ftudying at academies ought by no means to be neglected, butt (what??) oh, but, rather fhould be looked upon as neceffary to thofe who are ambitious of attaing wifdom fupported by experience. Doest thou agree, moft venerable Dr. Locke? [we regret that Dr. Locke cannot anfwer your query perfonally as he is currently fucking his thumb. -ed.]
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- novell comments were right on. Good work!
- This was one of the best EGR sofar. Thnx for a great time and for saying something I keep saying the last 2 weeks (since the Heavens Gate shit hit the madia fan). You have no idea what it is to face this crap living in a country of 10.000.000 technofobs (the average PC in Greece runs on DOS 2 and the s/w is written in Cobol) and 40.000 netizens. Being a journo doesn't help either - everybody wants to print an article on the "evil side of this Internet thing". I am seriously thinking of moving to another country. Keep up the good (or at least the funny) work.
- Its getting too coherent. A little more noise please.
- Dear RageBoy®, Love the new issue. You're beautiful when you're angry.
- Great edition Chris, good for you for yanking Novell's chain. I've been watching them build up the momentum behind this new campaign and when I finally saw the finished version I couldn't believe it. A FUCKING Q-TIME MOVIE OF NOTHING? THAT'S YOUR FUCKING EMOTIONAL APPEAL? LOSERS! The sad thing is that I like Novell's technology. Just can't stand Joe Marengi, and the rest of the management "team" are a collection of cut-out idiots as well. Boy howdy, they sure missed the boat, and now they're PROUD of it! Again, good shot!
- it was a long time between e-mails from you. can't you do better than that? p.s. you can have your $1000 in pre-revolutinary czarist war bonds. p.s. i said pre-revolutionary because you are too stupid to get what i am saying. this ain't the best. [not sure what you are saying. -ed.]
- You sir, are one funny mother fucker. EGR is now bookmarked throughout [company name withheld], with my clueless horde of intern slaves gaping everytime "Holy Shit!!!!" reverbs through our roach-infested Silicon Alley halls.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- AAAH! You're fucknuts! I love it! I've figured out EGR -- it's the unnatural spawn of Monty Python, FA Hayek, Marshall McLuan, and Noam Chomsky. Wow. This was a great issue. I'm going to forward it to everyone I know now...
- Sing on RageBoy!
- Man, this one was great but I just hope it plays in Peoria or wherever people live these days. Rageboy coming out of the closet, so to speak, WOW. A very brave thing you've done, man. Can't wait for the next installment; if you need a one person cheering section let me know. I was worried you were headed the other way...
- !!!!!!! NOTICE! THIS IS *NOT* AN UNSUBSCRIBE REQUEST !!!!!!!!
Your tale of woe at the hands of corporate America, lizard-booted blondes, big-ticket academic think-tanks and the mood-altering chemicals to drown them all out lessen the blow of having myself chosen the left-hand path (pissing away my best earning years in the theatre).
In the pure meritocracy of a small theatre company (where lofty aspirations are quickly pimp-slapped by one's obvious irrelevance to the culture at large), my own latent flackeriness never got much exercise beyond the occasional proofreading: those of us with talent and passion inevitably went about the mysterious collaborative artistic process, and left kowtowing to the half-wit critics in the semi-capable hands of the hanger-on judged most likely to show up on time and not whine about making the coffee.
Having been thrown out of a perfectly cushy day job as a typesetter at the dawn of the Mac era, I was quick to recognize the incredible transformative power of the WWW: it signals the end of the four-fold brochure in our lifetimes. This may indeed make it a cul-de-sac in the grand scheme (okay, any scheme) of things, but it was the straw that myself and others who grokked the simple voodoo of designing graphical layouts in a container-code text environment had been grasping for. Personally, I'm wooing every megalomaniacal niche-market entrepreneur I can dig up. Occasionally, this gets to me: I find myself rationalizing with horseshit like, 'What I'm really doing is leveraging my graphic- and information-design skills to help define new standards for content delivery.' Fortunately, it doesn't last long anymore: I've tasted artistic integrity, and it tastes like ramen noodles and peanut butter. Let 'em eat JavaScript.
But I'm surprised that as a former member you haven't spied the coming demand for LISP geeks (geekth?) heralded by the development of the world's largest literature kiosk. Write a plugin that lets Netscape download blowjob jpegs unattended and watch the Macanudo cigar people beat (pardon the expression) a path to your door. Everything old is new again, and just because AI never had a rat's chance of living up to promises made on its behalf doesn't mean we can't use it to presort the shovelware, at least until the purveyors of same kludge it into uselessness as folks now do to the search engines.
In closing, let me say that if you ever get down to Denver during daylight hours I'd be glad to buy you a cup of coffee, as long as it's in a nice public place with several clearly-marked exits.
- i love the idea of subscriptions-to-zero as a way of somehow whiting yourself out. it's a tantric thing, right?
- Rant on, you decrepit ex-programmer! I'm right there with you at the fabulous 5-0, and nothing you can say, or not say, will make me cancel my subscription to EGR. Rage on, RageBoy!
- Beautiful.
- >Repent now! Only the Unsubscribers will be Spared.
Oh, hurt me, RageBoy! <g>
I had an interesting experience here at [company name withheld] similar to your IBM fiasco. The PR people here have the same policy, to wit: no one talks to the press without one of our PR flacks on the line. So when I saw Walt Mossberg at TED7 I guess I was supposed to pretend I don't know him? Or maybe when [name withheld] and I go out for a drink we should just sit at opposite ends of the bar and wave? You know the drill. Thank God we don't (yet) have to go through PR to submit a paper for publication or to a conference.
- >go away
No. Face it, you're interesting.
- Well, it's a good thing I have what one of my professors in grad school called a "robust ego" after reading your paen to the Public Relations profession! I know you journalistic types live on controversy but, as I suspect you know in the depths of your black heart, we are not all scumbags. I never could/would work for IBM -- whatever possessed you? And furthermore, you can unsubscribe me from EGR, but you'll have to change your email address to get rid of me.
- Bravo! Kudos! Good on ya! Finally the world can come closer to understanding the dark, twisted side of us PR people. Especially we who toil in technology. I have circulated this email to most of the free world, be prepared for a deluge of subscriptions. Remember me when it's stock option time, eh?
- I enjoy your tirades -- sometimes things must be written just to get them out of the system and expressed so that others can see them if opportunity presents. 2 Million subs might be a little unrealistic, at least until you're able to format the content as word balloons from naked bimbos who take a moment out from sucking cock to deliver your message.
- I am sure you have realised like me that the Diatribe, from their yurt deep in the clefted deserts of Mongolia, have every reason to be miffed at their lacklustre position on the global stage. Riding around on raggedy ponies, suffering the biological injustices of their cranky lower bowels, they know they are the Diatribe. Yours, however is a little closer to home and inspires a kind of electronic cameraderie. A species of esprit de corp that rarely emerges for me in my own perigrinations through life. The gal from Texas sounds like a real piece of work. Your first personing is effective, I know now as never before that you are a person rather than an AI with an attitude. Keep up the er, good work mate and fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.
- Just push the button, Frank!
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- People really unsub? Well golly gee, after going to your website, what are they expecting, Dick and Jane go on a picnic with Spot? I tell ya, there's just no understanding some folks...
- what was most interesting was that you were a surgeon on your own brain. few have followed in your steps.
- > The following manuscript was produced in its entirety using
> artificial intelligence techniques developed over the last 15 yearsReally? I mean like no-shit-really? That's amazing. Who taught it to be literate and to have a voice?
- yow. i like what you're writing.
- a most righteous edition.
- This is great stuff. When my phone went off while I was reading it, I actually had a startle response. Will you just do the book already?
- Beautiful, what more can I say? Had a hard time focusing back on this world after reading that...
- Teenage Brain Surgeon was a great read--no real words to express it. Definitely made me long for the good ol daze. You are one whacked human being and I just love reading your work.
- Way cool! What can I say? OK, maybe you and Hunter did get here the same way!! Great gonzo journalism! But I DID have trouble with figuring out the relevancy to EGR! Does acid transcend entropy?! Or make it irrelevant? Oh, well; I still enjoyed the trip! And we all know rent-a-cops stop crime! It won't be easy to top this issue! And ignore the unsubscribes; they are ignorant peasants!
- If this was really written by a machine, I'm really floored. I've read a lot of stuff written by human beings that's a lot less coherent and a lot less interesting. Could'av fooled me -- and I think I know something about writing.
[the same writer later wrote...]
After the Big Blue chess victory, you can't blame me for being fooled. I did like the piece, though. Gave new meaning to finger-licking good. ;-)
- I read this in a state of awe... it was extraordinary. In a way I was tempted to disbelieve that it was computer generated. I was perplexed by the style more than anything.. I will freely admit to not understand much of the dynamics of AI programming and training. However I feel inclined to ask questions about how this was done to provide style... it was entertaining to read. As for Turing tests a few of the people I speak to regularly would fail... and definately lose when marked for entertainment value.
- Hilarious, and apropos too, because Deep Blue's triumph will keep the AI peanut gallery chattering for quite some time.
- Turing Test Candidate Response Form
In general, parsing performance was extremely strong, with ambiguous syntax rendered with exceptional skill (a hot hand adding rules to the Knowledge Base?).
But the ruse of using double-hyphens in lieu of proper — em-dashes is transparent chicanery; no human author thus enamoured of the em-dash would brook their repeated mis-translation.
Narrative structure and flow also remarkably lifelike: was this too generated from the KB or seeded by the experimenters?
But the KB shows its limitations in the area of pharmacology by permitting the narrator to self-medicate well beyond the doses of lysergic acid amide considered reliably lethal when mixed with DMSO and painted on, say, a steering wheel. In fact, by my quick rule-of-thumb calculations, he absorbs and ingests enough to dispatch the entire Symbionese Liberation Army, with enough left over to enable a pregnant water buffalo and her unborn fetus to communicate telepathically for several hours (that John Lilly was a genius, but he never could tell us when the hell Castro was going to get close enough to feed a carrot to a goddamn dolphin).
PS -- burn this message.
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Great issue! This one's a keeper...
- Beautiful!
- This installment became a measure of the loss of information in your transmitted signal progressed by the rising and descending of the regular degrees of inclination acted upon in a manner that is contrary to that which is usual -- a true step in entropy gradient reversalism... hear hear I think we are getting back somewhere.
- The first time reason to email you was that EGR seemed to me as the best humor Style site I've ever seen at the WEB. Now I could say that your current issue Dreamed DIALOG (IBM-clocke) is the best I ever seen at the EGR. At least you've found the really your scale target... Good lack and go ahead to the new <your scale> subjects! [the writer is a Russian with a great sense of humor, and clearly, a finely developed sense for great literature... -ed.]
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- I hope RB didn't mess up the BOMBAST installation for the sake of the new board. Not just kicking, but disassembling and reverse engineering of the "Fabric of Society" is the order of the day.
- >This might be shocking stuff to some corporate denizens, but they'd
>probably be even more shocked by the subscriber list. It includes some of
>the best minds in the on-line business.Yeah, and me too. Dum de dum de dum de dum de dum ...................
- Damn good! Supercapitalism is on the way. Your great great great great great grampa Locke would be proud of you. Fuck those constructive rationalists! You're right -- something HUGE is happening.
- ...another bolus of mud in the myopic corporate eye. Well done mate.The dinosaurs are retreating, baffled, into the circumlocuted backwater swamp of their technology. The thought police are finally being put up against their own firewall and offered a last cigarette. They would not choose a Nat Sherman, a Dunhill or a special Nepalese blend. No instead they would grit their teeth and say: We don't smoke. It's a filthy, weak addiction denoting Low Moral Fibre (LMF: All the Uncertainty All the Time). Get on with your firing squad you nasty little hippie, there are plenty more of us massing like uncertain bovine behind our firewalls. So be it he quoth, and the lads and lasses of liberty let fly with a volley of well-seasoned corporate bullshit, carefully scraped from firewalls throughout corporate AmeriKa and rendered into a poweful psychomimetic skin contact cyberdelic toxin. The thought police officers fall to the ground, laughing uncontrollably, farting and kissing one another and saying, "the colours, man, the colours". The all-pervading spirit of Dr. Hoffman drifts above them, chuckling ectoplasmically...
- Well done and recognized! Will this modify your writing? All that is in order will come undone if left to its own forces... We will watch and note the effects of time on you, if that mechanical measurement shit rings true... But really, keep up the good/bad work/play... you are blessed/damned... LMAO
- from David Sanderson <DSanderson@ceramatec.com> via Backbeat:
I've been subscribed to EGR for about 6 months now and it just hit me how true your message is. Content is what will bring new meaning to our society and save us from the mind numbed path our culture is headed down. You are working!
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Absofuckinglutely! I always thought the web was about lowering the barriers to publishing; since freedom of the press is for those with printing presses, a website is onehellovalot cheaper way to own your own press. Sure, that means a lot of wackos and crap on the net, but even that has entertainment potential (I admit to watching PTL and 700 Club every once and a while for the hoot of it all). And amongst the wackos and crap (the latter encompassing most .com marketing sites), emerge the true few gems, like EGR (cue enormous sucking sound). Seriously, let the marketing dweebs play with their new toys, sipping latte and discussing the latest "Active-ated" <tm MicroSquash> website with push technology. Those of us putting actual content on the web will quietly continue and eventually their corporate bean-counting masters will pull their funding and they will disappear, leaving the anarchy of the web to be what it should be. Or I could be hallucinating again, who knows? Keep up the good work! [don't think you're hallucinating -- but then who are we to judge? -ed.]
- from Richard King <rking@netdoor.com>:
AM radio-of course! Then EGR must surely be the "X" of the internet, as in "Heard It On the X" by ZZ Top. [for those of you to whom the ZZ Top corpus is less familiar than, say, the collected orchestral works of Zamfir, here are the lyrics, as lifted from http://www.cs.helsinki.fi/~klampine/zztop.html -ed.]
HEARD IT ON THE X Do you remember back in nineteen sixty-six? Country Jesus, hillbilly blues, that's where I learned my licks. Oh, from coast to coast and line to line in every county there, I'm talkin' 'bout that outlaw X is cuttin' through the air. Anywhere, y'all, everywhere, y'all, I heard it, I heard it, I heard it on the X. We can all thank Doctor B who stepped across the line. With lots of watts he took control, the first one of its kind. So listen to your radio most each and every night 'cause if you don't I'm sure you won't get to feeling right. Anywhere, y'all, everywhere, y'all, I heard it, I heard it, I heard it on the X. - Billy Gibbons, Dusty Hill & Frank Beard
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- Well, *I'd* hire you... :->
- Dear RageBoy,
As an avid disciple of the Ways of the Flaming Tongue, I have long followed your most excellent periodical publication on "the way it is." Since the world of high technology has gotten me somewhat baffled, I was hoping you could enlighten me (and perhaps other clueless readers) on an area the common press seems to be enjoying far too much... PUSH technology. Simply speaking, what's with PUSH? I understand the basic concept of moving stuff from THEM(TM) to ME without my expressly asking for it (not to say that I (see ME) would ever want something from THEM(TM), let alone ASK for it, but what makes that a PUSH? Certainly if it involves an invitation for free beer, it might be a NUDGE, whereas anything explaining why I as a busy user should download an unfinished, bloated, over-hyped piece of software from some large web tech firm and do their Q/A work for them I would simply term SHOVE (also SHOVEL). Moreover, following the prevailing viewpoint of machines as penis-extensions, I resent the implication that these aforementioned rodents could PUSH my machine around at all -- in fact, I'd wager my machine could PIMP-SLAP their sorry-assed machines half-way across the net and smack into a pile of VIC-20's and TI Sinclair parts. Moreover, since when, in response to a PUSH, can't I PUSH BACK? How 'bout JACK-UP (ie. BigCo just PUSHED me something I don't like at all -- offended, my machine (in all it's anthropomorphic beauty) would most likely JACK their server UP and take it's lunch money.
Realizing that only the wisdom of RageBoy, and his trusty pII-266 could have all the facts, I turn for enlightenment in this most confusing battle of impotent marketing speak.
From the sideline lotus position,
An Anonymous Seeker
- Hi! Just thought I'd tell you how much I enjoy your wit. I had a comment to make about work. I happen to be a workaholic. Whenever anybody mentions the word, I need some alcohol. Thanks and keep up the good work. After reading a recent article about your college days, I'm glad you made it through that.
- This was so popular at our workplace, well, we had Tshirts made... even upper management wants them now... But your coverletters, Rageboys, were the greatest, thanks!!!!
- UNSUBSCRIBE
- As always a lively and informative piece. Keep on telling it like it is!!!!!
- My guiding insight has always been "never trust anything you see and only half of what you hear" or something like that. Great Job.
- Subject: Delusions of grandeur?
Great One RB! I enjoyed this one a lot. I would probably be a lot better off, if I didn't give a shit. When I start feeling the way you described in your Cary Ling article, it's time to up the lithium level. Anyway, I'm glad you're having fun and I look forward to seeing you at your mansion in the near future.
- I can hardly wait!!! I love... I mean... we love ...We mean.. yeah, we mean we love you!
- I LOVED it!! Where do the sycophants sign up?!
I was really gratified to see the royal "we" has disappeared for good, also! [but it really hasn't at all! we lied. -ed.]
I WILL put the five rules on my hard hat at work. Donna my (long-suffering spouse) says I need to work on two of the five rules. Interestingly, they weren't the ones I thought.
One of my pieces of equipment is a DCS for the powerplant. Our plant manager who reads too much and knows too little asked if the Y2K thing (not his words) would be a problem for our control system. Our impulse was to say that only reports and trending may be a problem. My [acting] boss called (the manufacturer) and asked. We were amazed to find they have a COMMITTEE of engineers (oh, no!) investigating!! They admitted they DON'T know!! Great Goddess, can't they read their own code? Or did they lay off the guys who wrote the code?
I am daily amazed that this country works as well as it does. America needs both of you. Keep up the good fight and all that happy horseshit...
- Once more hats off. In factoid, loath as I am to touch my forelock thanks to the overweaning straitjacket culture of my formative years, I tip the old cloth cap in the direction of Boulder once more. I actually acheived a semblance of bliss on temple number 5 at Tikal a few years ago, so I particularly enjoyed the setting of your audience with the fawning media lackey. Peerless satire mate, and yes the day of the stare approacheth, we might call it after the Special's song "where did you get that Blank expression?" Thanks for including my previous ramblings on your feedback page. Made me feel proper proud it did. Last year I was able to get out to Denver for the Great American Beer Festival and I made it up to Boulder to visit some brewers, as I sell organic barley malt to keep the wolf away from this threshold. If I can wring a ticket from my ever-myopic boss mandarins this year I'll be sure and look you up, as a way of checking out Bombast II as well as to swap a few tales with you. If, of course, the world hasn't completely fermented by the autumn. I forward your URL and Zine to everyone I know who possesses a modicum of humour and intelligence. I do it with Impunity and he seems to think it's a scream too. I like to think of it as my wake-up call from the cacophonous depths of the jungle at the end of the river. Now I know its Boulder I realise its just you hitting me on the head with a big fucking rock. Rock along Chris.
- from Wakulla-Ed Mills <gem4@hotmail.com> via Backbeat:
Living proof that calling an idiot an asshole will evoke a thank-you. CL can truely manipulate the cosmos with words of wit and chunks of shit. Keep it up and they will toss a Net over us all. Entropy proves the old maxim that the only constant is change.
- from Jeff Hart <jhart@olicom.com> via Backbeat:
As founder of the Mayhem Institute For Ontological Research and long time entropy activist (i.e. also President/CFU of Entropy Waltz Productions and entering 7th year w/VA vanity tag NTROPY1) its disturbing to see like minds on the internet.
- Did I win the toaster oven? Raw poptarts suck.
- Please, please, please subscribe me to your list. I am experiencing an enormous amount of anxiety about possibly not receiving an issue of EGR. It brings me absolutely ridiculous pleasure to get my EGR.
- Never ceases to amaze; always manages to amuse.
- This is great. Much more interesting than anything else that comes to my box.
- You do reflect a certain insecurity the marketplace is in at the moment...
- Christopher--I want to have your children.
- I SUBSCRIBE TO ENTROPY... on a molecular level.
- ...it's got me talking to myself.
- Keep on slammin' 'n jammin'
Entropy Gradient Reversals
The Most Indiscriminating E-Journal in All of CyberSpace!
Last updated 1 July 1997