Technoblatherismby Gerard Van der Leun (repurposed with permission of the author)
OverspewIn this besotted age of unremitting technological spasms, we all struggle to maintain our consciousness, social position, phony-baloney jobs and inadequate incomes through rigidly researched and needlessly reiterated blather. The Ponzi schemes that unfold each day in communications and computing can be numbing yet personally enriching -- which is why we need to pay attention to who's got the honey pot. One understandable reaction is to blather: "Are these changes good, bad, or profitable? Should we sell out or buy in?"
The answer is "Both, frequently, and there is no end of opportunity." Hypnotic technologies, such as voice mail, feature-glutted and overpriced software, fertility drugs, boner pills, Spam, genetic engineering, Gameboy, cruise missiles, and Roofies are making dating and life itself more convenient and enjoyable, and many white people in San Jose, New York, Boston, Washington, Seattle, Bern and the Grand Cayman Islands healthier, wealthier, and wiser. So get yours now while the getting is good. Technology is also working hard at trivializing work, atomizing families, and puffing up the economy in utterly predictable ways. Our cool new technologies are also reintroducing every single day age old forms of muscular tension, wrist damage, sight impairment, mental distraction, goofing off, and spiritual and physical masturbation. You also get useless gadgets you just gotta have to organize a life that has no purpose beyond the next meeting, phone conference, and luncheon. Tech has made you your own focus group, so get used to it.
Yes, technology, which is second only in the Pantheon of the Gods to the Stock Market, is also giving us large groups of smart people that produce nothing except total-loss business plans and endless position papers on gossamer issues with no pith nor passion at all and even less insight. At the same time all this gaga technology worship is fortunately posing new threats to the cohesion of our physical communities (which we don't really care about all that much in the first place, except when the Prez blows into town for a nationally televised wonk parade.)
Clearly, our current wave of way-cool high-tech technology is a global daisy chain into which we all feel the urge to merge. This group chooses, as its method of cutting in line, to blather. For this we have assembled a star-class group of blatherers who in bu